So I decided to move out of my house at 18 and move in with someone. So you ask what happened to all I learned for 13 years. I allowed the enemy to use my sister's death to destroy what God had done. Have you ever done that? Destruction from with in is not pretty. It is actually the most debilitating way the enemy uses to undo what God has done. I was a miserable person and I made every one around me misreable. I actually moved out of my house and did not tell my mother where I was going. So I gave in to the enemy and allowed satan to use my sister's death to hurt my mother. My sister went home to be with the Lord when she was 18 and here I was moving out of my house at 18 and not telling anyone where I was going. My father was actually in the living room and I said nothing to him. I had allowed evil to cloud my view of my family. I viewed them as the enemy.
I spent the next few months spirling out of control. I was gaining weight like you would not believe and I was using food, tv and alcohol to drown my sorrows. The man I was living with was not a nice person. He actually hated himself more than anyone I know or have ever known and he used that to chip away at what little self esteem I had. God kept me so protected though. I had many suicidal moments. I would drive down the road and think what if I just allowed the car to careen into that tree. I would then say to myself well you would probably screw that one up too. I could not even get suicide right. I was so far from God yet He was keeping me sorrounded by His love and grace.
A couple of years into this relationship we decided to go to Disney. He was a huge Disney freak. So I spent tons of money I did not have and we went for 2 weeks. We fought from the time we got on the plane out of NY. We got to Florida and we went our seperate ways. I spent most of the 2 weeks by myself and actually enjoyed myself for the first time in a long time. When we got on the plane to go home I told him I am moving out. We are no good for each other and this was never a committed relationship anyway. Can you imagine spending years with someone and it not being a committed relationship. This would not be the first time I made that mistake and would not be the last.